In Eli's 8 1/2 short months of life it seems like he has been sick a lot. For the longest time he had a bump on his bottom for which he was on antibiotics. He had a respiratory something-or-rather that he was on breathing treatments for. Then he went through a bout with throwing up at night- like all over himself and his bed for no apparent reason. Then most recently he had roseola. He had a high fever for 3 days followed by a rash. Not to mention teething.
Why do I tell you all this?
Do I want sympathy? No.
I simply want to share something that I learned through all this. And something that I will constantly have to remind myself of as I continue to raise Eli.
One of my main jobs as a mom is to take care of Eli. Feed him, clothe him, change him, love him, read books, play, sing, laugh, rock, cuddle, etc... Also- protect him. This comes pretty naturally. I want to protect him from all things bad- mean people, bad words, dirty floors, germs, putting things in his mouth that he isn't supposed to, and many other things.
But I can't do this. At least not completely. Obviously I have a responsibility to do my best at all these things, but as I have learned, I can't keep him from all bad germs. At some point he will pick up something off the floor, put it in his mouth, and it may make it all the way through his digestive system (it maybe has already happened without me knowing it). He's going to hear bad words and be around mean people.
So what am I doing?
When these things happen- when bad things come up my initial reaction is to feel like a failure. Why can't I keep him healthy? Heck, I'm still breast feeding for pity's sake! Isn't that supposed to count for something? Sorry for the blunt honesty- but this really does go through my head.
I need to remember that God is completely sovereign. Even over Eli being sick. Period. God has equipped me with everything I need to be Eli's mom. In fact, He picked me to be Eli's mom in spite of the fact that He knows all my sins and failures- that is so comforting. Truth be known- I can't do everything to protect Eli, but God knows me, He knows Eli, and He knows what He's doing. I don't have to understand everything He's doing to completely trust Him.
Matthew 6:28-34
"...Consider the lilies of the fields, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin... But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you. O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the gentiles seek after all these things, and "your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
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