Loaves and Fish Revisited

Hi, it's Cindy. Just me. Not a post about my kids or about any life-happenings. Just a post about what I'm learning, so be kind. :) 

Several years ago, I posted this post about the 5 loaves and 2 fish. This account of Jesus feeding 5,000 men using only 5 barley loaves and 2 fish is found in all of the gospels. It is not a parable (made-up story used to make a point) it really happened. In that time of my life, we had lived in Salina about 6 months and I still hadn't found my people. I was, in a lot of ways, by myself with a toddler for the better part of the day. 

For the gospel accounts, go to Matthew 14:13-21, Mark 6:30-43, Luke 9:10-17, & John 6:1-15.

Now, fast forward two and a half years. I have a little boy, a toddler boy, and a baby girl. We are trying to sell our house. The house we are moving to is being worked on and currently is not live-able. I am doing my best to eat more healthily, which because it is new is taking me longer to prepare and plan. My husband is working 5 1/2 days a week. I'm saying goodbye to friends that have just become "my people" in the last year or so. Saying goodbye to a church we've served in for 2 1/2 years and love dearly. And we're going to be moving to a smaller house and town. 

I know it probably sounds like I'm complaining and I'm trying to get your (whoever is choosing to read this) sympathy. I promise you, I'm not. I know you have your stuff too. We all have our stuff- every one of us. 

All that to say, the proverbial "loaves and fishes" I have to offer feel more like a 5 stale crackers and 2 fish sticks. 

I think in my 29 years of life, I am finally realizing that my loaves and fish that I have to offer aren't mine. They are His. He (God, my Father) gave me the tools and gifts that I have and He wants nothing more than to show me HOW to use them and show me just how MIGHTILY they are meant to be used. When I wrote the last post on the subject, I think I thought that meant something really big. But the "big" I was calculating was in the way the world thinks of big. For example, my cousin has developed a preschool curriculum that is Bible-based and it is literally reaching thousands of people. I know she would tell you that it is completely God's doing and she is just His vessel. It is such a beautiful thing to see her using what He has blessed her with and He is now "feeding 5,000" through her. It is amazing. 

By God's standards and worlds standards this is big. 

But I think for me, right now, my miracle is much smaller. I am not saying I'm opposed to something big- I wouldn't have a clue what that would be- but I think for now it's small. 

When I am feeling overwhelmed, my "feeding 5,000" is getting something (maybe even pb&j) on the table for my family to eat. Or starting one load of laundry. 

When I am frustrated, my "feeding 5,000" is responding to my children with a loving voice instead of snapping at them. I'm certain I'm the only one that does that, right? :)

When I am uncertain about my future, my "feeding 5,000" is trusting completely in Him. I know He knows my future. 

God can take the gifts (or loaves and fish) He has given me and make a banquet. I prefer to picture a cajun boiling pot or something like that (ha-ha). Some day it will look different than it does right now, but for now I am His and resting in His provision for me. 

2 Corinthians 3:5-6 ESV
"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant, not of the letter (law) but of the Spirit. For the letter (law) kills, but the Spirit gives life."